In today’s world, there are so many distractions and it is becoming more and more clear that the only solution is to set boundaries and simply SAY NO! That’s right, say NO! Whether in our personal relationships, professional relationships, or even online interactions, the pressure to always say “yes” can lead to the feeling of being overwhelmed, pressured, lost of identity, and so much more.
Understanding Boundaries
Boundaries are the physical, emotional, and mental limits we set to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used or harms. Boundaries are all around us indirectly. A traffic signal is a form of a boundary. Passwords are used to protect us which ultimately are forms of boundaries. Boundaries not only protect us, but also protect others on the receiving or opposite end by teaching them how to respond and treat us. Establishing boundaries sets the framework to how you want to be treated.
There is Nothing Selfish About Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries is not about being selfish. Instead, it is about knowing yourself, knowing your worth, and knowing how you deserve to be treated.
Setting Boundaries Improve:
- Mental Health
- Physical Health
- Relationships
- Productivity
Mental Health
Constantly prioritizing others can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression. Every time you say yes when you want to say no, you disrespect yourself and get farther away from the relationship with yourself. When you set boundaries, you create space for your mental well-being. This allows you to recharge, reflect, and provides the understanding and clarity that you need to make good decisions.
Physical Health
Anything that’s kept inside of you that conflicts what you truly want and believe manifests as physical sicknesses. When you are stressed and full of anxiety, it can manifest in the form of headaches, stomach pains, and leave your body vulnerable and more susceptible to sicknesses and diseases. Stress can cause phantom illnesses that mimic heart attack, panic attacks, and other illnesses.
Relationships
Healthy boundaries enhance healthy relationships by fostering respect and understanding. When you clearly communicate your wants and needs, it allows others to understand how you want to be treated. It is not only fair to yourself, but also unfair to others to say yes when you really want to say no because it doesn’t leave room for others to understand what’s expected of them. Allowing others to walk over you might work in the beginning, but eventually you’ll get tired and start to show feelings of resentment or avoid the relationship altogether which is unhealthy.
Productivity/Time Management
Setting Boundaries can definitely improve productivity and time management. When you don’t have boundaries and say yes to everything, it can feel overwhelming and limit important things from getting done. It can make you feel that you have more to do than you actually do. While there should be a clear distinction between business and personal duties, when you don’t set boundaries the lines become blurred and it can leave you feeling like their is no time to do anything. By setting boundaries, you can focus on what truly matters and produce better results in your personal and professional life.
So…How do you Set Boundaries?
To set boundaries, you must first recognize a need to do things differently. Most times, people don’t realize that there is a need for change until they’ve reached their breaking point. The first to setting boundaries is to identify the areas in your life where you feel overwhelmed or taken advantage of. Self awareness allows you to see the full picture of the role that you play as well as the role that others play in your life.
Sometimes the only way to understand this is to take a step back from those that might be causing you to feel this way. Removing yourself from always being there for others allows you to see who’s really there for you. It allows you to find out if the relationship is one-sided or includes reciprocity.
Once you’ve identified the what and who, you can begin to understand the areas where boundaries are needed by:
- Communicating Clearly – Be assertive by using “I” statements to express your needs. Be respectful, yet direct and honest. Don’t over communicate or explain. Simply let your yes be yes and your no be no. Choose a time to discuss your boundaries and remain calm during the conversation.
- Practice Saying No – Saying No can feel uncomfortable if you’re not used to saying it. It is essential to remember that you have a right to say no with no explanations. Your time and energy is valuable. By practicing saying no, this will build your confidence.
- Be Consistent – When setting boundaries, it is important to stay consistent. Consistency helps you stay true to your wants and needs. It also helps others to understand that you are serious about your needs.
- Seek Support – Surround yourself with other strong individuals who understand boundaries and encourage you to prioritize yourself. Don’t be afraid to lose people on the way. If someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, see this for what it is and know that this person doesn’t have respect for you. Don’t be afraid to ask for guidance or support from a trusted friend or even a therapist if needed.
Setting boundaries is an essential practice for cultivating a balanced and fulfilling life! By understanding your needs and clearly communicating them with honesty, respect, and empathy, you not only protect your well-being, but you also foster healthier and more respectful relationships. By prioritizing yourself, you are not being selfish, instead you are teaching others how you would like to be treated. There isn’t a right or wrong way to set boundaries. There also isn’t a one size fits all method.
Be patient with yourself. Some situations will be easier than others. You will feel proud of yourself for how you set boundaries and other situations may be more difficult to handle, but just remember this is a journey and a learning process. With time, consistency, self love, and practice, you can create a life that not only you are proud of, but others are proud of as well. Embrace the power of boundaries and watch your life and relationships begin to flourish!
For more tips, tricks, and advice, please visit the other topics on the site.
***If you are new here, leave a comment and say hello! Let me know how you create boundaries in your everyday life and let me know what made you want to start setting more boundaries.
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Hey, Shanae! This was a great read, and definitely will apply in my everyday life. I’ve been praying for God to show me how to create a healthy boundary with people and even thoughts that the enemy will try and speak, when you feel at your lowest. It’s okay to stand firm in creating a healthy space for your own sanity while seeking God and a trusted therapist. Overall great read!
Thanks so much for your comment and feedback! I believe that sometimes people that are empathic have great big hearts and we think we can save everyone. We lead with our empathy so it hurts us to even think we are hurting someone else, but I’m grateful for understanding that setting boundaries not only helps us but helps those around us, like that stop sign when we’re driving! Thanks again!